


Steel Roses

by twohearts



Series: Autistic Kara Stories [1]
Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Ableist Language, Autistic Kara Danvers, Autistic Querl Dox, Gen, canon adjacent
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-09-21
Updated: 2020-09-03
Packaged: 2020-10-25 10:55:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 17,732
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20723051
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twohearts/pseuds/twohearts
Summary: A series of vignettes featuring autistic Kara.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Like a number of others, I headcanon Kara as autistic. While I enjoy AUs featuring this, I wanted to write something that could more-or-less fit into the television show's canon.
> 
> As a result, I decided to do a series of vignettes.

“But that’s lying.” Kara repeated for possibly the hundredth time.

Alex watched from the doorframe as Eliza bent down and placed a gentle hand on Kara’s knee. She didn’t miss how Kara’s shoulders twitched at the sudden touch. Her mother, however, seemed to have missed it and brought her other hand up to take Kara’s.

“It’s going to help you, sweetie.” Eliza’s voice was gentle, soft, and Alex recognized it as the one she’d used when she still read Alex bedtime stories.

“It’ll make things easier at school.” Jeremiah piped in with a smile. The kind of smile he had once reserved for Alex.

Alex shrunk back in the doorframe.

“But that’s lying.” Kara repeated and Alex had to fight the urge to roll her eyes. Somehow her mother would notice _that. _

“Your powers they… create similar symptoms, so it’s not entirely lying.” Jeremiah just kept smiling. It didn’t matter though, because Kara’s eyes were on the ground. “And it’ll help you fit in.”

At that, Kara’s head popped up, so fast she could’ve taken Eliza’s head off had she been leaning in closer. “It will help me fit in?”

“It’ll explain why you’re such a weirdo.” Alex muttered under her breath.

Kara’s brow furrowed in that way it did when she heard something she shouldn’t be able to hear. Crap. Alex had forgotten about the super hearing.

But, to her credit, Kara didn’t rat Alex out. She simply said. “It’ll explain why I’m such a weirdo?”

At this, Eliza gasped and turned to Alex, her lips pulled into a deep frown. “Alexandra, what have you been telling her?”

“I didn’t tell her anything!”

Eliza just shook her head and returned her focus to Kara.

“You’re not weird, darling. You just have some special needs. That’s why we’re telling the school you have this diagnosis, to help explain your special needs.”

Kara’s eyes were on the ground again. Her fingers rubbed the sides of her chair. Slowly. Almost inhumanly slowly.

“But that’s lying.”

“We’re already lying by telling people you’re human.” Alex pointed out, ignoring the glare from her mother. “We lie to people every day about you.”

“What Alex means,” Jeremiah cut in. “, Is that this is a necessary lie. Like letting people think you’re human. It’s to protect you, to help you.”

Kara still hadn’t looked up from the ground.

“And to help us.”

Kara’s head twitched up an inch.

There was a moment of silence and then in her quiet, heavily accented way, Kara said. “Okay. To help you.”


	2. Chapter 2

“What’d you get for number six?” Vicki rested her head on Alex’s shoulder.

“Number... uh?” Alex swallowed. Her eyes were suddenly drawn to the kitchen floor. Her fingers beat out a rhythm on her thigh.

She tried to lean back into the couch, but Vicki’s head was there. On her shoulder. Alex squirmed in her seat. Not enough that Vicki would move though; she was careful of that.

“Um… For number six, you see I integrated the… uh, fraction. Took the common denominator… Wait! Before that I had to distribute the numerator and then you can cancel out the variables, but then you’ve got to…”

“Whoa.” Vicki lifted her head and Alex found herself strangely disappointed. “Slow down, Alex. I just wanted the answer.”

“Right, sorry.”

“You were acting like Kara.” Vicki laughed.

Before Alex could do so much as chuckle, there she was, Kara, suddenly in the middle of the living room, bunny slippers and all. Vicki blinked. Alex seethed.

All three stayed where they were, as though waiting for someone else to speak. The TV droned on around them, a laugh track punctuating the silence.

Finally Kara said. “Did someone call me?”

“Nope.” Alex popped the P. “No one called you, Kara.”

Kara stood where she was, frowning.

“That means go back to keeping tabs on Superman in your room, Kara.”

“I’m not…” Kara scowled but cut herself off, gaze suddenly far away.

The next thing Vicki and Alex knew, Kara was on the couch with them, reaching over them to grab the remote. She fumbled with it, like pressing the buttons was difficult, before the TV flicked to a news station.

“Kara, we were working!” Alex cried, but Kara didn’t even seem to hear her. Her knees were pulled to her chest, eyes boring holes (thankfully not literally this time) into the screen as Superman evaded the metallic arms of what appeared to be a giant robot.

“Kara!” Alex tried one more time, but it was hopeless; she was lost to the world.

“Alex, are you yelling at your sister?” Eliza’s voice came rattling down from upstairs, because, of course, why wouldn’t she have heard that?

“No.” Alex called back, grimacing.

Kara didn’t seem to notice the exchange.

With a sigh, Alex turned back to Vicki and mouthed “sorry.”

Vicki just gave Alex an easy grin and let her head fall on Alex’s shoulder again. This time, though, she didn’t leave it there. She lifted her head so that her mouth was centimeters- millimeters even- from Alex’s ear.

Alex felt her heart pound in her chest. She swallowed again, certain Vicki could hear it.

And just when Alex was certain she was having a full-blown heart attack, Vicki pressed her mouth even closer to Alex’s ear and whispered.

“It’s okay. I’m used to the little retard anyway.”

And just like that Alex’s heart came to a halt.

All she could do was stare at the ground and swallow.


	3. Chapter 3

*

“It’s a school night.”

“Isn’t that my line?” Eliza quirked an eyebrow. She was smiling, real humor in her upturned mouth.

A year ago, Alex would have done anything she could to get her mother to look at her with that kind of joy, that kind of love. But now, when it only appeared when Alex was annoyed, well, Alex wished Eliza would go back to looking at her like she had for the past two years.

“I have a test tomorrow.”

“You won’t be out late.” Eliza had returned to her papers. This conversation was over. Eliza had made that perfectly clear. But Alex couldn’t help herself.

“I don’t see why Kara needs a babysitter.”

Eliza’s head was up faster than a speeding bullet, faster than Kara ever would have responded. And suddenly the conversation was alive.

Eliza never missed a chance to extoll Alex on Kara’s needs.

“You know she needs help.” Was all she said, as though that explained everything, as though Kara only needed a little help and not a lifetime of therapy.

“She’s fourteen.” Alex remembered when she was fourteen. She’d ended up sharing a bedroom with an alien.

“She needs our help, Alexandra.”

“Fine, but I’m inviting…” Not Vicki. Not Vicki. “Vicki.”

Eliza was back to her papers. “That’s good. Kara could do with some more friends.”

Alex rolled her eyes but held her tongue.

* * *

“C’mon, Kara.” Alex nodded as yet another couple thanked her for holding the door.

Kara stood by the street’s edge, holding herself tight.

“I told you it’s too loud.”

As though to prove Kara’s point, the music spilling out the door hit a crescendo as the overly auto tuned mix hit the chorus. Alex herself grimaced and let the door close.

“You’ve got your headphones. Just, you know, use them.”

“Why can’t we go to the library? That’s where Eliza said we were going.”

“Yeah, well what Eliza doesn’t know won’t hurt her.” Alex had opened the door again. She could see Vicki and the others waiting by the Whack-A-Mole. They looked bored. “Put your headphones on and get in here.”

Kara pouted but did as she was told.

“Hey, Alex.” Vicki threw an arm around Alex’s shoulder. Tonight was already worth it.

“Is that Kara Danvers?” Zach asked, each word over-pronounced.

Kara just scowled.

“Here.” Alex threw a few dollars into Kara’s hands. “Go have fun.”

With a roll of her eyes- Alex was regretting teaching Kara to do that- Kara was off and Alex was left with her friends.

“Your sister going to be okay on her own?” Mike asked.

“Of course she is.” Vicki was already pulling Alex towards some racing game. She turned to Alex. “And if she’s not, maybe your mom will finally return her.”

“Yeah.” Alex found herself laughing. It wasn’t funny. It wasn’t even clever. But something about Vicki’s hand in her own and the way the bright lights of the arcade showed off Vicki’s natural red highlights.

She leaned into Vicki as her own legs turned to jelly.

Kara watched all of this from beside the token dispenser. Alex was being an idiot. Nothing new there, but it did seem to get especially bad whenever Vicki was around. It was better to just let her ride it out.

Besides, Kara didn’t want to hang out with Alex’s stupid friends anyway.

She exchanged Alex’s money for tokens and slipped her headphones on; now she just had to find something to keep herself occupied until Alex remembered their curfew.

She squinted against the bright lights. There were plenty of games here. Air hockey. Shooting games. And the incredibly confusing “whack a mole.” None of them held Kara’s interest. Her reflexes were too fast and trying not to smash the entire contraption was more tiring than fun.

With a sigh, Kara headed towards the bathroom. She could spend at least an hour in there before she got too bored. Besides, the lighting hurt less in there.

She slipped around a couple and was about to turn into the bathroom hall when she saw it. In full primary colored glory just above an oversized dolphin plush was a fully articulated Superman action figure. It was still in the box, but even if it wasn’t Kara would have recognized it immediately. It was the limited edition kind that had been released only a month ago. The kind that almost captured the curve of Kal-El’s nose and the strength of his jaw. The kind with a flowing fabric cape that Kara longed to rub between her fingers. But mostly it was the kind that was just a hair away from capturing the warmth in Kal-El’s eyes.

Kara wanted it.

Without thinking, she ran towards it, nearly knocking a group of children down in the process. The only thing that stopped her was a kiosk that wrapped around this side of the arcade. It wouldn’t take much for her to grab it. After all, she could be in and out in the blink of an eye.

But as she looked up into Kal’s eyes, she knew she couldn’t do it. He would never approve of that.

“Got your eye on something?” She turned to find a girl in an orange vest and too much makeup smirking at her from behind the counter.

Kara’s cheeks turned bright red. The girl raised an eyebrow.

“Superman.” Kara muttered.

The girl’s smirk grew. “Got a crush on the Man of Steel?”

“Excuse me?” Kara sputtered, her face forming a look of disgust so horrific that the girl actually took a step back.

“Okay. Okay.” She gestured for Kara to settle down. “I was just joking.”

“I knew… I knew that.” Kara’s eyes were on the floor, her blush starting to fade. “So how much for it?”

“For the Superman figure? 1400 tickets.”

“1400?” Kara gaped.

The girl nodded.

“Could I, maybe, just buy it?” Kara asked. She had some cash saved up from her last birthday. Surely, a figure of Kal-El couldn’t cost that much.

But the girl shook her head. “No can do. Got to play the games and get the tickets to win.”

Kara’s shoulders sagged.

The girl’s eyes softened. She leaned forward. “Here’s a tip though, kid, the skeeball machine that’s third from the right is on the fritz. Gives out double tickets.”

Kara turned, probably faster than she should have, to face the machines and her shoulders sagged again. Of course that was where Alex and her friends had chosen to go.

“Right. Thanks for the tip.” Kara said before sidling off slowly towards the machines. She could do this. They were just a bunch of teenagers. And she really wanted that figure.

She was so busy watching Alex and her friends as they laughed and had an all around good time, that she didn’t see the bump in the arcade’s psychedelic carpet. Before she knew it she was toppling towards the ground and without thinking, she put her hands out. There was an awful crunch and she shut her eyes.

Every Kryptonian curse she knew played on repeat in her head. Please don’t be too obvious. Please don’t be too obvious.

“Kara?” It was Alex’s voice. She sounded concerned.

Kara opened her eyes to find that the ground had not come apart around her, but there was a tear in the carpet, revealing stone underneath. That was bad, but not _so _bad, right?

“Are you okay?” Kara looked up to find Alex leaning over her.

Kara opened her mouth to speak, but before she could Mike interrupted.

“Did you get a boo boo, little Danvers?”

The others snickered.

“I’m sure she’s fine. Robots don’t feel, right?”

“Guys…” That was Alex.

“Look, Alex, she’s fine. She’s already starting to get up.”

Kara was halfway to her feet. She was moving slowly. Inhumanly slowly. It took all of her self-control not to sprint out of the arcade, down the block and into her bed. But, no, that would really make things bad.

“I want to go home.” She said softly.

“Get her some ice cream? Kid loves to eat, right?”

Before Kara could stop herself she’d moved the remaining distance between her and the pack of teens. The kids were taken aback it seemed but not enough to stop laughing.

“Look,” She stuck a finger into Zach’s chest. He winced. “I am right here. I can hear you.” She spoke slowly, deliberately.

“Yeah we know that.” Vicki rolled her eyes.

Kara spun around. She wanted to give a witty comeback. She wanted to prove to them that she was strong and smart, stronger and smarter than any of them could ever hope to be. She was a proud Kryptonian. A daughter of the house of El. She was Superman’s cousin for Rao’s sake. But the moment she tried to speak, her voice vanished and she was left staring at Alex’s best friend, mouth hanging open.

Behind her, Alex shook her head. Typical, she thought.

“Okay.” She came up behind Kara and was careful to hover her hands just above the younger girl’s shoulders. “It’s almost curfew anyway. Let’s get you home.”

Kara nodded, tears welling in the corners of her eyes. She turned and headed towards the exit.

“Sorry.” Alex mouthed as her friends held in their last laughs.


	4. Chapter 4

Alex looked up from her book as a familiar gust of wind swished by outside and not a moment later the doorbell rang. When she reached the top of the stairs, Kara was already at the door.

“Kal-El!” She cried as she opened it, as though she hadn’t heard him coming a hundred miles away. As though her cousin wasn’t Superman and had flown all that way in under ten minutes.

“Kara.” Clark greeted her with an equally large smile. “It’s so good to see you. You’ve gotten tall.”

Much to Alex’s chagrin, she had to agree. Kara had probably sprouted three inches in the last month, resulting in fun shopping excursions where Kara got to get an entire new wardrobe and Alex got to pick one new tee off the clearance rack.

But Kara ignored Clark’s comment, as seemingly uninterested in the small talk as she had been in shopping for new clothes. She had her glasses, she’d said, that was all she really needed.

Now she led Clark through the living room and sat the hulking man down on the family couch. It groaned under his weight. Kara hovered briefly then gently set herself down beside her cousin.

“Hey, that was a pretty nifty trick.” Clark smiled that bright midwestern smile.

“I have been practicing.” Kara beamed.

At this, Clark’s smile faltered.

“Oh.” He all but grimaced. “Does Eliza know about that?”

Now it was Kara’s turn to falter. Her brow crinkled as she tried to parse out his words. “Does Eliza…”

She was cut off as Eliza herself entered the room. “Clark thanks for stopping by on such short notice.”

“Oh, you know, short notice is never really a problem with me.” He was back to flashing that million dollar smile.

“Of course. Kara, would you mind giving Clark and me some time to talk? Maybe go listen to music? Or play video games with Alex?”

“I can do that.” There was a gust of wind and then Kara was by Alex’s side at the top of the stairs. “Eliza would like me to…”

“Yeah, I heard.”

“Eliza would like me to go listen to music or play video games with…”

“Go listen to music.” Alex rolled her eyes. Kara was gone before she’d finished.

“Is she…?” Alex heard Eliza ask.

“All squared away. At least that’s how it sounds.” Clark smiled back and Alex briefly wondered if he was even capable of stopping.

Eliza sighed. “Good. We can talk in the dining room. Can I make you something? Coffee? Tea?”

While they discussed the finer points of warm beverages, Alex made her way down the stairs. It was not unusual for Clark to visit them, but he usually spent all of his time with Kara. Alex was instructed to give the cousins their space during this time, but Kara wasn’t exactly quiet, and Alex could hear her going on and on about whatever Clark’s latest adventure was all the way from her room.

Kara being shooed away from her cousin, Clark speaking exclusively to Eliza- in the dining room of all places- now that was weird.

Alex prayed to God that Clark would be so distracted with whatever Eliza was saying that he wouldn’t hear her come down the stairs. She knew he was better at tuning extraneous noise out than Kara, but that didn’t mean he actually would. And all Alex needed was to be caught snooping by the Man of Steel himself.

But as luck would have it, Clark was listening so intently to Eliza that Alex managed to tiptoe her way down the stairs and into the living room with neither adult noticing.

“The glasses are helping.” Eliza’s voice drifted through the living room. “But she’s still having problems. She gets overwhelmed so easily. We had to take her to the department store last week- the massive growth spurt is a whole other issue- and I swear I thought she was having a seizure at one point.”

“Gosh, Eliza, I don’t know. After those initial months, it was so easy for me. I just… adjusted, I don’t know.”

“You never used anything else besides the glasses?”

Alex could see Clark shaking his head and she noted that the smile had decidedly dropped off his stupid corn-fed face.

But what did that mean about Kara’s powers? Alex thought back to that department store trip. How could she forget it? Five minutes into the trip, just as they’d entered the store, Kara had zoned out, and then she was shaking. And then she was crying. It had all happened so fast. Her hands were over her ears and her eyes were clamped shut. It still hadn’t been enough, though, and she’d started whimpering.

People stared. Or they just kept walking. There was no in between.

It had taken all of Eliza and Alex’s combined strength to get Kara to her feet and out the door; only then had she stopped crying, even if she did spend the rest of the day with ear buds in and sunglasses on.

But why was Eliza telling Clark this? Surely, it was just Kara’s super powered senses. That’s what it always was every time this happened.

“Maybe noise cancelling headphones would help?” Clark shrugged out a suggestion.

“Maybe.” Eliza hesitated before continuing. “I don’t suppose you could tell me about Kryptonian social rituals?”

“What do you want to know?”

“Kara’s been having a tough time with other kids. She just… doesn’t seem to get them. And it makes sense, you know. She is from another planet. But, to me at least, it seems to go farther than that. It’s like she’s on a different wavelength.”

“How do you mean?”

Alex knew exactly what she meant.

Kara had every pop song that came out this year memorized, but couldn’t seem to remember how to greet someone. She stood by as Alex talked with her friends, only jumping in when something tangentially Superman-related was mentioned. She repeated what others said, but didn’t add anything to the conversation.

Oh.

And just like that it all clicked into place.

Vicki’s words rung in Alex’s ears.

“Oh shit.” Alex muttered before running back upstairs.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to thank everyone for the lovely comments. They have really made my day and been a great source of encouragement. I'm also glad to see that there are those that share my want to see Kara written as autistic beyond having sensory issues. 
> 
> Thank you for reading. I hope you enjoy.

It was almost astounding how little she’d packed. Her posters still hung on the walls. Her bookcase was almost completely intact. And her CDs still filled her desk drawers. The closet was the only thing that had been cleared out.

All of her clothing, band t-shirts and leather jackets that her mother hated, had been crammed into one suitcase. It sat between the two beds, framed by a few boxes of necessities. And that was it. That was Alex Danvers.

“You don’t want your CDs?” Eliza asked, her nose wrinkling at the unorganized drawer. “You spent so much money on them… and you brought the band shirts.”

“They’re the only shirts I like.” Alex leaned against the doorframe.

With a stiff nod, Eliza crossed the room.

“Your dad would be very proud of you, Alexandra.”

“I know.” She resisted the urge to correct her mother. After all, she was trying to be nice. They both were. It would be months until they saw each other again, and Alex saw no reason to give her mother anything extra to stew over during that time.

“Your sister’s going to miss you.”

And there it was, the real reason her mother was here. Not to congratulate her. Not to comfort her. To make sure she comforted her sister.

Because no matter how scary going off to college was, Alex couldn’t be handling the change worse than Kara.

“I’ll talk to her.”

Alex left Eliza with the boxes and wandered through the house. She knew Kara was here somewhere. She’d promised she’d be here when Alex left and Kara always kept her promises. The real question was whether she’d flown herself up to the roof to hide or was just sitting in front of the TV like a normal teenager.

As it turned out, Kara was indeed being a normal teenager, but she wasn’t watching TV. She had her headphones on, the noise-cancelling ones she’d received after Eliza’s chat with Clark, and was banging her head to what was almost certainly some trashy pop music.

Alex tried her hardest not to roll her eyes.

Instead, she plopped herself down in front of Kara and watched her sister continue to jam out.

For someone with more-or-less god-like power, Kara wasn’t particularly coordinated. There didn’t seem to be any particular rhythm to how she moved, she was just thrashing. In fact, the only reason Alex knew Kara was happy and not having a tantrum was that she had a huge grin plastered to her face, visible even as her head bobbed at an incredible speed.

Finally Kara slowed, then stopped, and blinked in surprise when she noticed Alex. The smile slipped from her face and the headphones from her ears.

“Hi.” She mumbled, eyes on the ground.

“Hi.” Alex smiled. “What were you listening to?”

“Why do you want to know? You hate my music.”

“I do, but it makes you happy… so what were you listening to?”

“Britney.”

This time Alex did roll her eyes.

“Shut up.”

“I didn’t say anything.”

Kara pouted, but took a seat next to Alex.

She laid her head down on Alex’s shoulder and let her glasses slip down her nose. Once comfortable, the two sat, still and simple and together.

Until Kara broke the silence.

“When do you leave?” She asked.

“Tomorrow morning. Bright and early.”

“You could still drop out.”

“Is it really dropping out if I haven’t even started yet?”

“Eliza paid tuition.”

“That she did.” Alex slid away from Kara, who picked her head up at the movement. “You’re going to be okay.”

Kara shook her head. “Everybody keeps saying that. You. Eliza. Dr. Shaun.”

“I didn’t know you were still seeing him.”

Kara shrugged. “Haven’t in a while. I went the other day during my free period.”

“Does Eliza know?”

Kara shrugged again.

“I won’t tell her.”

“Thanks. I think she thinks I’m getting better.”

“She knows you’re nervous about me leaving.”

Kara slid an inch away. Her hands were on her glasses, pushing them back up her nose.

“I’m not… nervous exactly. It’s just I’m going to be alone at school and here. And I don’t know what life without you is going to look like. Like, I can’t see it. And there’s a way we do things. Like… like we all have dinner together and you and I go to the movies on Saturdays. You surf on Sunday mornings. And…”

Kara was starting to fidget. Her fingers tapped against her ankles, and her knees were curled up to her chest where she slowly slid her cheek against them.

“Kara.” Kara froze. “I know it’s going to be weird. It’s going to be weird for me to. I’ve never been to college before and I’m going to meet all of these new people.”

Alex gulped. She hadn’t really thought of what college would be like before. With the packing, Eliza being overbearing, and Kara, she hadn’t actually given much thought to her own experience. And now that she was, she felt warm. All over. Like suddenly she was on the sun and she was melting.

“I’m going to be all on my own.” Her voice was suddenly quiet. “At least you’ve got Eliza.”

Just one more thing Kara had that Alex didn’t.

“But I want to be with you.”

Kara threw an arm around Alex, intertwining the two sisters.

“And I want to be with you too. But I have to go.”

Alex didn’t know how to explain to Kara that Midvale had turned stifling. It wasn’t just the whole school hating them. It wasn’t just Eliza breathing down her neck all of the goddamn time. It was something else, something Alex couldn’t quite describe.

She’d changed. And she didn’t know how to tell Kara that it had happened. She didn’t even know how to truly describe it. It simply was. She simply was.

“I have to go.” She repeated.

Kara nodded into her shoulder.

*

Clark hadn’t called in a while. He’d long stopped visiting. Now that she was settled and almost an adult, he reasoned she didn’t need him, her one remaining blood relative.

But he called. When he could, when there wasn’t Superman business or Lois business or…

Kara sighed.

Eliza was downstairs making dinner. Kara could hear her grumbling about misplaced spices. They were in the top shelf on the left, Kara knew, but going down there would mean Eliza would want to talk and Kara just didn’t feel like talking right now.

At least not to Eliza. And maybe not to Clark either.

Alex hadn’t called in a while.

Not as long as Clark, but too long. Longer than Kara would’ve liked.

Eliza was still searching for the spices.

Kara picked her headphones up and slid them over her ears.

As the Backstreet Boys flooded her ears, Kara closed her eyes.

She got through six songs before a muffled thump invaded her super-powered ears. With a sigh, she removed her headphones and looked down towards the first floor window.

“… Told you not to sit on the roof, Kara?” Eliza hung her head out of the open window.

“Sorry.” Kara muttered but made no effort to move.

Eliza sighed. “Dinner in twenty. And Alex should be calling tonight.” She disappeared back through the window.

Eliza said that a lot, like it was a treat, a bribe, like it fixed everything, but it just made it hurt more when the phone didn’t ring.

Kara took a quick look around then hopped down from the roof, landing effortlessly on her feet.

At dinner, Kara kept her head in her plate, shoveling food into her mouth as Eliza went on about her day at the lab. This was how dinner went now. Eliza spoke. Kara ate. And they both came away less than satisfied.

Kara was just about to start her fifth helping of potato salad when the phone’s off-key ring pierced the air.

“I’ll get…” Eliza started but Kara was already gone.

“Alex!” Kara cried into the phone. Words started tumbling out of her mouth. She wasn’t quite sure what they were or what order they were coming out in, but they were definitely English.

“Kara.” A voice far deeper than Alex’s said. “It’s Clark.”


	6. Chapter 6

Mrs. Pfeffer was droning again. She called it lecturing. The class called it droning, and Kara was part of the class so she was supposed to call it droning as well. Kara complied. She’d stand out more if she didn’t.

Alex had said that when she’d finally called a week ago.

Eliza had agreed, but said that Kara shouldn’t let the other kids stop her from enjoying the class.

Kara had learned that this was “a very mom thing” to say. Be safe but don’t stop being yourself.

Just get through the day unharmed.

In the remaining year that Alex and Kara had been in high school together after Kenny’s death, everything had slowly gone back to normal. Or what Alex said was normal.

Alex made new friends. Vicki became her friend again, and then wasn’t. Alex’s grades went back up, even math, and she graduated in the top 1% of her class.

It wasn’t a fairytale, but it was life. That’s what Alex said.

Kara had nodded. If Alex said this was what life was like, then she must be right. This was life.

Kara’s life included sitting in the middle of the class. Too far in the back and you were obviously trying to hide. Too close to the front and you were trying way too hard. The middle was safe, so Kara Danvers stayed in the middle.

It was easier now that Alex had graduated and was halfway through her first year of college. Her grade had been the one to recognize Kara in the halls. Without Alex Danvers, there was no Alex Danvers’ weird adopted sister. There was just Kara. Blonde. Glasses. Keeps to herself.

That’s all anybody said about her now. And some days that was all Kara felt there was.

Mimic. Hide. Do your work.

The last one was actually a blessing.

It gave her something to do.

“Kara?”

Kara’s head shot up. “Yes?”

“Please read the next paragraph, Kara.” Mrs. Pfeffer didn’t sound mad, which wasn’t to say she wasn’t an irritable woman; she just never seemed to be mad at Kara. Alex said it was because of Kara’s accommodations. The ones that made her stand out as much as they made her more normal.

Kara read the paragraph with practiced care. Super speed made it easy to speak too quickly.

“Thank you, Kara.” Mrs. Pfeffer turned to the next student as Kara trailed off.

Kara went back to doodling in her notebook. A few blue ink flowers had sprouted at the bottom of her page and were currently winding their way up the margins. Kara pouted as she added some more shading to the leaves.

She’d be the first to admit that these weren’t her best work, but given that they were drawn in cheap blue ink, she’d forgive herself this time. As she finished off the flowers, she moved on to some calligraphy practice. She quickly looked around the room, but all of her classmates were either laser-focused on Mrs. Pfeffer’s lecture or so zoned out that they might’ve forgotten where they were.

The coast was clear and she began to write out her name in the delicate glyphs of Kryptonese. Satisfied with her name, she continued on to her mother’s name, then her father’s, and then some basic sentences, until before long her page was filled with more Kryptonese characters than English ones.

She was about to turn the page and begin anew when a shrill piercing noise filled the air. Kara’s hands were on her ears before any of her classmates could even react, eyes bulging as her brain seemed to crackle.

“Children,” Mrs. Pfeffer cried. “Down the stairs of the east wing and out to the street. Wait with Mr. Smith’s class.”

The students all began to file out the room, jabbering a bit but moving nonetheless. Except for Kara. She sat paralyzed in her seat, hands still over her ears, and a low humming emanating from behind her closed mouth.

“Kara?” Mrs. Pfeffer said softly as she bent down next to Kara’s desk. Kara didn’t respond; her eyes were wide and dancing from place to place, unable to concentrate. “Kara, I need you to stand up. I don’t want to scare you, but this isn’t a drill. We need to exit the school.”

Kara’s eyes were still far away and her humming had gotten louder. Around them, the alarms had only gotten louder. The soft thump of shoes in the hallway had started to dissipate and through the windows, Mrs. Pfeffer could see crowds starting to appear at the edges of the schoolyard.

“Where are your headphones?” Mrs. Pfeffer asked. Without waiting for a response, Mrs. Pfeffer turned to Kara’s bag, immediately spotting a lump jutting out from the front most pocket. And sure enough, as she undid the zipper, she saw Kara’s pair of noise-cancelling headphones.

“Here, Kara.” She held them up right in front of Kara’s face, just hoping to catch her eye.

Before Mrs. Pfeffer could do anything, the headphones were no longer in her hands. She blinked. They were already on Kara’s ears. Moved so fast she hadn’t even seen it happen.

Kara shook her head and blinked, as though trying to cast away the last vestiges of sleep. She was on her feet without any instruction.

“I’m sorry.” She muttered. “I’m sorry.”

Mrs. Pfeffer shook her head. “No need to be sorry, dear. Let’s just get outside.”

Kara nodded and, eyes on the ground, followed her teacher out into the hallway.

*

“As long as you’re safe, that’s all that matters.” Eliza looked back through the rearview mirror. Kara had opted to sit in the backseat on the ride home. An old blanket covered her head and draped down over her torso.

“But it was embarrassing.” Kara’s muffled voice responded. “And what if the fire had been worse? I would’ve been fine but Mrs. Pfeffer could’ve gotten hurt.”

“But that didn’t happen.”

Kara leaned back into her seat, narrowly dodging a ray of sunlight coming through the window. She was not in the mood for light or noise or… really anything. Her head still rung with the screeching of the fire alarms and her entire body felt like lead.

“This sucks.” She muttered.

“What’s happened happened and you got through it.” Eliza’s words were firmer than her voice. “You’ll feel better later.”

“Doesn’t feel like it.”

“I know, sweetie, but we’ll go home. Close all of the blinds. And you can rest for as long as you need. No feeling lasts forever.”

Under the blanket, Kara rolled her eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I suppose there isn't really a dramatic conclusion to this one. Sometimes you have trouble and there isn't some dramatic lesson from it, you know? Well, that's at least what I was going for.
> 
> I've got a bit more time to write and "Alex in Wonderland" provided wonderful inspiration.
> 
> I planned on making this series chronological but may stray from that. There's some scenes I really want to get to. 
> 
> Anyway, hoping people are safe and healthy.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember how I said I might not stick to chronological order? Well, it's happening. There's some in-between scenes before this that I really want to do but I've been wanting to work with this dynamic for while, so here it is.

Kara really tried not to eavesdrop. At best, it was a bad habit and at worst it was a deep violation of privacy. With that said, she did have super hearing and even without it, she was in charge of Cat Grant’s entire calendar. When Cat Grant cleared hours in her schedule and didn’t have Kara book flights, hotels, doctor appointments, or anything else to fill it, it stood out.

It wasn’t that Kara was worried. It was just like she told Alex; Cat’s problems were her problems. And if Cat was going to take a secret phone call in her office and Kara just so happened to not control her super hearing as well as she could while it was going on, well, that was that.

“Hi. Principal Zucker? Yes, it’s Cat Grant. Carter’s mother.” Cat’s voice was higher pitched than Kara had ever heard it. It was still impatient, tinged with that typical demanding tone, as though Cat had mistaken pitch for sweetness.

She hummed along affirmatives for a few minutes as the principal spoke and then, voice still high as ever, said. “I just don’t understand why this is taking so long? He was diagnosed twenty days ago. I just don’t understand how one of the best private schools in the state…”

Kara dared glance into Cat’s office as her boss came to an abrupt stop, evidently cut off. Cat was glaring daggers through her window, phone clutched so tightly that her knuckles were stark white. Her other hand tapped out an achingly slow rhythm on her desk. Kara knew that rhythm well; it was the one Cat began tapping out when Kara started rambling.

There was a moment of silence where it didn’t seem Cat was listening to the principal on the other end. It was patented Cat Grant. Even over the phone, she could command the air. Without speaking, she could hold your tongue. And then, when the moment was right, she would pounce.

This time, though, Cat wasn’t waiting for the right time. She was waiting for the rage to subside enough that she could speak.

Kara could hear it in the way her breath hitched and how hard she swallowed. Her tiny form all but buzzed with fury. This wasn’t Cat Grant the media mogul. This was Cat Grant the mom.

“With all due respect, how can you suggest that the steps you’re taking are enough?” Cat waited, trying her best to control the room as she normally would, as she normally could. But from the way her mouth twitched it seemed that for once Cat Grant had lost control. “Are you suggesting that because my son is… that he is not one of the best and brightest? That he does not deserve to be at your esteemed school? He passed your entrance exams well enough.”

Cat’s voice had somehow gotten quieter, like a hissing whisper.

Cat opened her mouth as the principal’s reply came through the speaker. She was ready to cut him off, but instead just closed her mouth and placed the phone down gently on her desk.

She lifted a hand to her face and rubbed her eyes.

“Kiera!”

Kara was on her feet and in Cat’s office a little too quickly. Thankfully, Cat didn’t seem to notice. Her heart was thumping like a motorboat.

“Yes, Ms. Grant?” Kara asked with her usual demureness.

Cat glowered at her, eyes dull and dark.

“Oh save it, Kiera. I know you were listening in.”

“I… I wasn’t…” Kara stammered.

Cat rolled her eyes.

“Kiera, you will never be a spy. I saw you looking in. Not to mention, reacting.” Cat lay back in her chair and huffed.

“I am so sorry…” Kara started.

“I don’t need your sympathy.” Cat snapped.

Kara blinked. “It wasn’t for you.”

Cat raised an eyebrow.

Kara took a step forward. She pulled the soft fabric of her sleeves down over her hands and eased the pads of her fingers back and forth over them.

“No one should be made to feel unwelcome because they’re different.” Kara gulped.

Cat tilted her head.

Kara looked down at the ground. “Carter shouldn’t have to deal with that.”

“No,” Cat said slowly. “He shouldn’t.”

A moment passed between them where Cat held Kara in her gaze and Kara held the floor in hers.

“Right.” Cat finally said. “Kiera, begin researching private schools in National City. Be sure to pay special attention to their policies surrounding special needs students. I want at least three options on my desk by this evening.”

Kara nodded and began to walk away.

Before she exited Cat’s office though, she turned. “Ms. Grant?”

Cat looked up from whatever papers she’d turned to.

“I know it’s a lot of trouble, but you’re a good mother for fighting for him.”

Cat gave her another one of those looks, like the one she’d given Kara that time Kara had offhandedly mentioned having a foster mother.

“Thank you. I hope yours fought for you.”

Kara smiled. “She did.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel, for the sake of transparency, that I should note that I have no firsthand experience with school accommodations, especially not for private schools. As a result, I tried to do my research but if something doesn't feel right I'd like to know. 
> 
> In addition, Cat has more leeway than many in what she can do for Carter, because, well, she's rich. Others do not have such means, and Cat isn't a better parent because she's able to take care of these things easily. This, I hope, is obvious, but I've been stuck inside and am potentially overthinking everything.
> 
> Other general stuff (because if you can't ramble in your fanfiction's author's note, where can you ramble?), Carter was so obviously autistic-coded in the show that I felt it was natural to bring that into this series. I might do a vignette with Kara and Carter bonding, because, really, there's never enough of that. 
> 
> Okay, ramble over. Thank you for reading and stay safe.


	8. Chapter 8

“I just don’t get it, Eliza.” Kara clenched her phone tighter, careful not to squeeze it to the point of breaking.

“Kara, take a deep breath.”

Kara ignored her. “I’m smart, right?”

She waited for an answer.

“Eliza?”

“Sorry, sweetie, I thought that was rhetorical. I imagine there are few people smarter than you on this planet.”

“I was going to be the youngest to be inducted into the Science Guild.”

“I know, honey.”

“I can compute equations faster than anyone else in my class. In two years, I became fluent in multiple Earth languages. Not to mention, I can melt things with my eyes!”

“Kara, please take a deep breath.”

Kara inhaled. The plants on her windowsill rustled in the ensuing wind.

“Now exhale.”

She did. And those same plants nearly went flying out the open window.

“Kara?” Eliza’s voice was soft.

“Eliza, why is it so hard?”

“I know it doesn’t feel like it, Kara, but you are so strong.”

Kara nodded into the phone. She was strong. She was strong. The problem was she knew that. This morning she had stepped out of bed and put a foot-shaped hole through an errant book. Her strength was not in doubt. It was everything else that was.

“Eliza,” Kara cut her adopted mother’s words of encouragement off. “I appreciate everything you’re saying, but it doesn’t change the fact that I am failing three classes. Two in my major.”

Kara threw herself onto her bed with practiced care, and although there was an unsettlingly loud creak as she landed, everything stayed whole. She pressed the speaker button and set the phone down next to her pillow. It was almost like having Eliza lay there beside her.

“College is hard.” Eliza’s voice was firm, if kind. “You should have seen Alex’s grades freshman year.

“That’s different.”

“Oh?”

“Alex is human.”

“Kara, you have a lot of powers. Being magically good at school isn’t one.”

“Yeah, well,” Kara turned over on her bed, gripping her blanket tight. “It kind of is. I come from an advanced civilization. Earth technology is practically pre-historic to me. I, by all logic, should be magically good at school.”

“You and I both know that is not how that works, Kara.”

Kara sighed and pulled the blanket up to her chest. She pressed the thick material between her fingers and closed her eyes.

“Kara?”

“Hmm?”

“Just checking you’re still there.”

“I would never hang up on you.” Kara said a bit too seriously.

There was a moment of silence on the other end and then Eliza’s voice returned, less sure than it had been.

“Do you want me to get you a note for accommodations? I know we don’t really talk about this much, but you did have them in high school and…”

“No.” Kara let the blanket fall back over her abdomen.

“Are you sure?” Eliza’s voice was high-pitched, almost watery. “I just think it would really help, Kara.”

“No. I- I don’t want anyone treating me differently. I already get treated differently enough.”

Silence hung between them and Kara could almost see Eliza rubbing her temples. Kara brought her knees to her chest, laid her head on top, and sighed. Loudly.

“I should really get back to studying.” Kara said finally. She picked the phone up off the bed; her finger hovered over the end call button.

“Kara, if a doctor prescribes a patient medication, they should take it, right?”

“I don’t…”

“Yes or no.” Eliza’s tone was firm.

“Yes.”

“Because the medication will help them?”

“Yes?”

“Yes.”

Kara could see where this was going.

“This is different.” She said. It was a fight to keep her voice steady. She had explained this over and over. And she was tired of doing so again. Eliza needed to trust her, because she was going to figure this out and she was going to do it just like everyone else. Because that’s what she should be capable of.

“Kara, when we told you to play this role, to hide who you were… we didn’t… we never meant…” It was rare for Eliza to stumble over her words. She was precise and clear, even under difficult circumstances. The closest she had ever come to this before was after Jeremiah had been declared dead.

The line went silent for a minute. Kara waited. Because what could be the end of that sentence? After telling you to hide who you are, we never meant for you to actually do it?

Kara cringed at the thought. That wasn’t fair. There had been many reasons to hide. Jeremiah was proof of that.

“I hide to keep you safe.” Kara said to fill the silence. It was only a sliver of the truth, but some truth was better than none. “We’d all be in danger if I didn’t.”

“You getting accommodations for school doesn’t put us in danger.”

It didn’t. Logically, Kara knew this. But that didn’t stop the way her stomach seemed to drop just thinking about it.

“I failed.” She swallowed and it felt like lava was spreading through her chest.

“Kara, what do you mean?”

“I failed.” She repeated. “I was supposed to be normal. And I couldn’t do it.”

“Oh, sweetie…”

“No, Eliza. I’m sorry. You tried. Alex tried. Jeremiah… All of you tried to help me. And it didn’t matter, because I’ll never be normal.” Her voice had split by the end and tears were pushing themselves to the edges of her eyes.

“Kara,” Eliza’s voice was hard, commanding. Kara looked up, as though Eliza was in the room with her. “You are extraordinary in every single way. You are kind. You are caring. You try your hardest at everything you do. But that doesn’t mean that everything will come easily.”

The tears were flowing freely down Kara’s cheeks now.

“And when it comes to normal, well, there are many ways to be normal. And I’m sorry, I truly am that you can’t be every part of yourself, but please, please let yourself be this part. Because you aren’t a failure. Needing help doesn’t make you a failure.”

Kara shook her head. She couldn’t respond; the words were stuck in her throat.

“I know it’s hard for you to believe me, but I need you to try.”

Kara nodded. Slowly, over and over again.

Under her breath she muttered. “Eliza needs me to try. Eliza needs me to try.”

Her hands were on her legs, running up and down her calves.

The two women sat in near silence. Kara repeated her mantra over and over again until the words had slowed her breath and quieted the thumping in her chest. It was only when Kara found her hands in her lap, still except for the slow movement of thumb over knuckles, that she broke the silence.

“Okay.” She whispered.

“Okay?”

Kara nodded. “Okay.”

Eliza breathed a sigh of relief. “Alright, Kara. I’ll send over the documentation from Dr. Wallace. You’ll have to bring it over to the coordinator of student support services. Do you think you can do that?”

Kara nodded. “I can.” She wasn’t sure she meant it, but Eliza needed her to try.

“It’s okay if you don’t think you can. I can come down to help.”

“No, Eliza. Thank you, but I have to do this myself.”

“But you’ll call me if you need anything or if there are any problems?” Eliza prompted.

Kara smiled. “Of course.” She replied. And she meant it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love Eliza and Kara's relationship. The show does a good job of implying a lot, and I wanted to do a real scene with the two of them.  
In the tie-in comics DC published there was an offhand mention of Kara having trouble at some point in college and Eliza helping her, hence the setting and premise here.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's assume this takes place in between seasons 3 and 4 or nebulously in the beginning of season 4. 
> 
> Also, I'd love any feedback on my writing of Brainy. He has such a specific voice and I was really worried about writing it.

“Do they have a name for it?”

Brainy turned to find Kara standing in the doorframe. She was still in her Supergirl uniform, hadn’t even bothered to brush the dirt of battle off of it, but she had her glasses on. With one hand, she straightened them.

He tilted his head. He had seen both Kara Danvers and Supergirl in action. He had seen how one ran face first into danger with her head held high, and how the other was just as passionate with her words but sputtered and laughed and blended in so perfectly he could’ve forgotten she was there had he not been looking. Never had he seen them together.

It was a funny thing. As soon as the suit went on, Kara seemed to perk up. Back went straight as a soldier’s, hands went straight to her hips. She anticipated all eyes going to her and gave them the show they expected. But right now, the suit seemed more like a weight than anything else.

Kara slouched against the doorframe, eyes hidden under the glare reflecting off her glasses. One hand played with the hem of her skirt.

“I’m not sure what you mean.” He said finally.

Kara nodded and stepped forward; joining Brainy beside the computer that his hands were now frozen over.

She glanced down at the screen and then at Brainy before taking a deep breath.

“I mean where you come from.” Her voice was soft, the slightest hesitance stilting every word.

Brainy’s brow furrowed. It was unlike Kara to be cryptic.

She nodded again and he wondered if that was an answer or merely a sign of thought. Her hand was still on the hem of her skirt, rubbing it back and forth with practiced care.

He waited for Kara to respond. Normally, Kara was quite the talker, on any subject and to anyone. And certainly, he and Kara hadn’t known each other that long but that had never stopped Kara before. After all, they had been inside her mind together.

“Is there some way I can assist you?” Brainy asked after the silence had gone over three minutes.

“I don’t know if it’s assistance.” Kara said. “I just thought that you of all people…” Her voice trailed off.

“Me? Of all people?” Brainy repeated. Clearly, he was missing something.

If this had been a simple technical question then Kara would have simply asked. And, strictly speaking, as a 12th level intellect, his knowledge was significant and varied; he failed to see what in particular she would come to him about as opposed to anyone else.

“I am honored that you would come to me.” Brainy stated. “But I do not understand what you’re asking.”

Kara sighed and for the first time since entering the lab actually seemed to relax. She smiled softly and said. “Sorry. I’m just not used to talking about this.”

“You have still not told me what _this_ is.”

The smile dropped from her face. He glanced down as the hand on her hem picked up speed. She noticed this and abruptly threw the arm behind her back.

“Ugh. Sorry. Why is this so hard?” She threw her arms up and turned away from Brainy. This, he thought, was more like Kara.

“You would think with us being… Well, it would all be easier, because you get it, you know?” Kara had begun pacing. “But I haven’t done this much. And hardly by giving it a name, I guess. I just kind of… imply it.”

“Imply what?” Brainy, for the life of him, could not put together what she was implying.

She came to an abrupt stop. The floor was slightly singed under her feet. She paid it no mind and instead looked at him, gaze just a hair over his eyes.

She took a deep breath and pulled her chin up, mouth taut as she said. “On Earth, they call it autism.”

Brainy waited, but it seemed Kara had stopped again.

It was now her turn to tilt her head.

“People usually react to that.” She said plainly. “James did. Cat did too, though I didn’t say it with Cat so much as imply it.”

“I am not sure what I am supposed to be reacting to.”

Kara’s eyes went wide. “Right, I haven’t really said it yet, have I?”

Brainy nodded.

Kara sighed. “Well, there’s not a word for it on Krypton… or there wasn’t as far as I knew. I guess I could ask my mom, but… In any case, the only word I’ve got is autism and I thought maybe on Colu there was a word and you would know it because you are also... also autistic.” Her voice had turned squeaky at the end.

“You believe I’m autistic?” Brainy asked.

“Or whatever the Coluan equivalent is.” Kara said with a wave of her hand. Her eyes were on the floor. “Sorry, if I’m being presumptive.”

This was not what Brainy had been expecting. Not at all.

“I should go.” Kara had already turned away from him, eyes on the door. “I’m sorry.”

He caught her hand before she could move.

“You have no need to be sorry.” He said. “The Legionnaires questioned my… disposition in the beginning as well.

“I didn’t mean to question your… disposition.”

Brainy shrugged. “It is of no concern. I have known I was different from other life forms for some time, and have always hoped I was different from my family. But no, to answer your question, I have never been diagnosed with autism or a similar neurotype.”

Kara nodded and pulled away. “I shouldn’t have assumed.”

She had started edging towards the door. Her hands fidgeted in getting her glasses off, an air of finality in the movement. She was preparing to go out again, to be Supergirl and there was no room for vulnerability in that.

“Supergirl,” Brainy piped up and Kara turned. “That does not mean I have not explored the possibility and come to the conclusion that there is an 84% chance that I am somewhere on the autism spectrum by the comparative definitions of sixty three cultures, including my own.”

Kara blinked. A smile slowly spread across her face, bright and filled with the boundless enthusiasm that Brainy had come to associate with Kara Danvers.

“Oh. Well then, thank you for telling me and if you ever want to talk about it, I’m here.”

She nodded quickly, suddenly overwrought with energy. That wouldn’t do for Supergirl, and Kara seemed to realize it as she forced herself to be still. Her smile remained just as loud.

“Thank you, Agent Dox.” She said with wry seriousness, and then more sincerely. “Thanks, Brainy.”

Brainy nodded and Kara turned, her cape swished behind her as she left.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone for reading. Thank you for the incredibly lovely comments, know that they mean a lot to me. It brings me great joy to know that this story is doing what I intended it to do. 
> 
> And for everyone who has made a suggestion for a vignette, know that I see them even if I haven't responded directly. 
> 
> This takes place late-ish season 2 (certainly post "Alex" at least). And I had a bit of difficulty with this section and would greatly appreciate any feedback.

It had been a nice evening. A really, truly nice evening. The kind of evening that might not go down in history, but was exactly what everyone involved needed. And now that it was over, Maggie was ready to fall back into bed and simply let the joy that was being alive overtake her.

“You’re so similar, you know.” Maggie laughed as her head hit her pillow. The air was light around her and she was content to feel the soft pull of sleep niggling at the back of her head.

“Hmmm?” Alex glanced back from where she was tugging on her pajama bottoms.

“You and Kara.”

“I guess.” Alex shrugged on her top. “We get along, but I don’t know that we’re similar.”

“You’re kidding?” Maggie shuffled over as Alex lay down beside her. “You’re both in the business of protecting people. You both like to lay down the law. Plus, I’ve never seen two people more in sync during charades.”

“Oh, I see,” Alex rested her head back against her pillow. “You’re just sore that we beat you.”

Maggie rolled her eyes. Alex really was excellent at deflecting.

“I’m serious.” She said. “Has no one really ever told you that you guys are similar?”

Alex was quiet. Maggie nudged her shoulder with her own, hoping for playful. Evidently missing the mark when Alex gulped in response.

“When we were kids,” Her voice was soft as she spoke, and yet each word was said with the kind of firmness that came with divulging a truth. It was a way Alex sometimes had of speaking, Maggie had noticed, when she was saying things that came from just a little deeper in her heart than she would have liked. “We were basically defined by being opposites. I was human. She was an alien. I had friends and Kara had none. I was the protector and… she was in need of protection.”

Maggie nodded, more in comprehension than in anything else.

“Nobody thought we were similar. Least of all us.”

“And now?” Maggie couldn’t help but ask.

“She’s always going to be the one with powers and I’ll be the human. Some things aren’t going to change.” Alex was nodding to herself. “She’s always going to need that little bit of extra help, and I’ll be there to provide it.”

“And she’d do the same for you.” Maggie said. “I hope you know that.”

There was a pause, and then Alex nodded.

“I hated her at first.”

She said it like it was some kind of admission.

“Well, you obviously don’t now.”

“No,” Alex sighed. “But I do feel bad. Even now.”

“Alex…”

“She was just this sad little alien. This sad little autistic refugee alien. And I hated her.”

“Hey,” Maggie sat up and reached over to take Alex’s other hand. “You were young and it was a lot of change. After all these years, do you think it still matters?”

Alex sighed.

“I didn’t mean to upset you. Especially not after such a nice night.” Maggie said.

“No, it’s okay. It’s just… I think it does still matter.”

Maggie tilted her head. She pulled Alex up, just a little, so that the two were looking at each other. Still, she could see that Alex was a million miles away.

“What is it?”

“There was an incident with red Kryptonite almost a year ago. Kara… I don’t want to say was evil, but it brought out some negative emotions.”

“Was this when Supergirl out of nowhere went bad? Kind of went on a rampage?”

“Yeah. And obviously it wasn’t Kara’s fault. It was a mind altering substance, but there was a moment when things were getting bad and she… said some things.”

“Hey,” Maggie squeezed Alex’s hand. She tried to keep her voice gentle. “She wasn’t in her right mind.”

“That’s the thing.” Alex’s gaze was focused now. “What she said wasn’t wrong.”

Maggie opened her mouth, but found herself at a loss for words. What was there really to say to someone whose sister had terrorized a city for a few days? Who had said things that were so awful but somehow so poignant that they stuck with Alex a year after?

“I didn’t have a life outside of her for so long and I didn’t… I didn’t have any control over the situation for so long that I did… I did try to assert control over her.” Alex’s voice broke as she finished speaking.

Maggie knew exactly what to do now. She took her arms and wrapped them around Alex, pulling her in close. They didn’t speak. Alex just breathed into Maggie’s shoulder, long and hard, and when she finally pulled away, her eyes weren’t red and there was even a small smile on her face.

“Thank you.” She said.

“Of course.” Maggie replied. “You can always talk to me. About anything.”

Alex nodded, her eyes were lidded, tiredness settling in. “I know.”

With a deep breath, Alex pulled away. She was nodding to herself.

“I should really talk to her, shouldn’t I?”

“If it’s still bothering you, you should.”

Alex bit her lip.

“But you don’t have to right now, tomorrow, or even next week. Do it when you're ready.”

“You’re right.”

Alex’s shoulders relaxed at that and she laid back against her pillow. Maggie followed her lead. There was silence for a moment as they both decompressed. Until finally Maggie said.

“So autistic, huh?”

“Oh god. Please don’t tell her I told you.”

“No problem.” Maggie rubbed the base of her neck. “Should I be doing something different with, uh, Kara?”

“No!” Alex was quick to say. “No, she hates to be treated differently, even if that means making it harder for herself.”

Maggie smiled.

“What?”

“Another similarity. You’re both stubborn as hell.”

Alex just rolled her eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully, there will be a thrilling sort-of-sequel to this after the show comes back, because I'd really like to dovetail this conversation with seasons later Alex and Kara discussing their issues post-Jeremiah's funeral (that is if the show doesn't do that discussion itself, hence why I'm waiting). 
> 
> I can also be found on Tumblr at: twoheartsofsteel. Please come talk to me about anything and everything Supergirl! And that goes doubly so for autistic Kara stuff!


	11. Chapter 11

It should’ve been easier being human. Humans didn’t worry about putting their foot through the floor when getting out of bed in the morning, or that they might freeze their breakfast just from blowing on it. They didn’t think through every move, every breath, just to be sure they didn’t destroy everything around them.

But then again she wasn’t human, even if by all accounts right now she looked like a human, walked like a human, and had the relative strength, speed and flight capabilities of a human.

Kara lay curled up on her couch, her weighted blanket wrapped around her. It had been a gift from Maggie and on any ordinary day felt just about the same as a regular blanket, a flimsy piece of cloth that did little more than give her something to press between her fingers.

Today, though, Kara had cocooned herself inside of it. For the first time ever, she could feel it pressing down against her skin. It was harsher than she’d expected and, for the life of her, she couldn’t explain why it was so comforting to have a weight placed on your shoulders that caused you to bend into yourself.

She hadn’t moved in five hours. Not since Alex had delivered her back to her apartment, set her down on the couch, and proceeded to close all of her curtains. There was a glass of water and what was now a soggy jelly sandwich on the table, but Kara- despite being able to feel her stomach growl- hadn’t touched them.

The truth was her eyes stung and there was the unmistakable feeling set deep in her bones that she was buzzing inside. Her arms twitched under the blanket, torn between lethargic and bursting with energy.

She gulped just to feel the saliva slosh in her mouth. The birds were tweeting outside her window and she could hear the heavy footsteps of the old man who lived above her.

The sounds washed over her. She blinked and pulled the blanket tighter around her just to have something to do. A part of her wanted to close her eyes, to squeeze them shut so tight that she would forget about the way every creak and chirp made her want to jump out of her skin.

There was no telling when Alex would be back. The alien causing havoc was in custody, but that didn’t mean Alex wasn’t needed at the DEO. She’d offered to stay. But Kara had shaken her head and answered in the negative when Alex had asked if she was certain.

Kara didn’t need to be cared for. She wasn’t a child. Alex had had to bring her home and that was enough. She didn’t require anything else.

And then there was a knock at the door.

It wasn’t particularly loud, but Kara jumped anyway.

“What? What is…?” Kara shook her head as the knocking continued. She stood, pulling her blanket around her shoulders and letting it drape like a cape, like her cape.

Now was the time when x-ray vision would’ve come in handy, but that wasn’t an option, so instead Kara settled on just opening the door.

“Clark?” She blinked. In front of her stood her cousin, looking exactly as she remembered him, tall and dashing with the kind of midwestern charm that could’ve disarmed a Rottweiler. In his hands he held a pizza box and on top of that was another bag of take-out. She didn’t need super senses to know it was a bag of potstickers.

“Kara, hi.” His smile grew even brighter.

“Hi.” She said slowly. Clark was here. In front of her. With food. It was like her brain was lagging.

“Mind if I come in?” Clark asked happily.

She nodded and turned to lead him inside. The birds were still chirping and it sounded as though her upstairs neighbor had decided to take up dancing. On her way back to the couch, she grabbed the glass of water Alex had left for her and took a big gulp.

“I heard you solar flared.” Clark placed the boxes on Kara’s kitchen counter. “And I thought since you’re not on Supergirl duty and there’s nothing for Superman to handle right now, maybe we could use this as an opportunity to hang out.”

Kara just stared at him.

“Or I could leave the food and run?” Clark offered. Kara studied his face; he was being sincere.

Clark was always sincere, she reminded herself.

“No, um, stay.” She took another drink of water. “We haven’t seen each other in a while.”

And they hadn’t. Between life and superheroing, they both were strapped for time. Clark called more, though, and emboldened by that, Kara had begun to reach out more as well. But seeing each other? That took more time and energy than either cousin could make right now.

“So how’s it feel?” Clark asked as he took a seat besides Kara. She tried not to cringe at the way the couch groaned under his weight. “Being human?”

“I’m not…” Kara started, but trailed off when she saw the way Clark was looking at her. He was so expectant, eyes bright and shining. She sighed. “Could be better.”

Clark nodded. Kara was beginning to understand what Alex meant by “stupid corn-fed grin.” Did Clark ever stop smiling? Obviously, yes, but that might’ve only been because it was difficult to grin in one’s sleep.

“Solar flares are rough.” He agreed. “Sometimes it feels like my body is trying to make up for all the pain I can’t usually feel.”

All Kara could do was nod as Clark went on. She focused on her breath. In and out. In and out. And Clark’s words fell to the background, right beside the birds and her loud neighbor.

If Clark noticed Kara curl further in on herself, he didn’t show it. He continued talking and Kara noted that he had moved on from the difficulties of solar flares to some article Lois was working on. Kara tried to nod along, but all she could concentrate on was how she suddenly felt the heat rise in her cheeks.

She shook her head, just hoping to clear it. But, no, her head still felt just as mangled as before, and her cheeks even hotter. Her hands raced under the blanket, pulling at any bit of fabric they could find.

She breathed out.

“Kara?”

Clark’s voice was loud. It echoed through Kara’s ears and rattled around her skull. She groaned and it felt good to be making some noise. It made the rattling quieter, so she continued, letting her voice raise and lower and just go on and on without worrying about forming words.

She didn’t know how long she’d gone on for when a hand grasped her shoulder.

She shrieked and jumped to her feet, the blanket falling down around her.

Clark stood too. He put one hand out towards her.

“I’m sorry, Kara.” He said, voice still too loud. “I didn’t mean…”

Kara shook her head. “Please stop. Please stop.” She muttered, voice barely above a whisper.

Her hands were over her ears, but it wasn’t helping. Why wasn’t it helping? Why were the birds still chirping? Why was the whole building creaking? Why couldn’t everyone just be quiet?

“Kara,” Clark’s voice was a whisper now. “I need you to take a deep breath. Can you do that?”

Kara took a step back and shook her head. Her whole body was buzzing, excess energy pouring out of it.

She wanted Clark to go. She wanted everything quiet. She wanted…

“Headphones.” She barked, somewhere between a plea and an order.

Clark’s brow furrowed. He didn’t see any headphones.

“Headphones.” Kara cried again and Clark looked again, this time with his x-ray vision.

He rushed over to Kara’s nightstand and opened the first drawer. There they were, a set of headphones lying amongst some random junk.

“Got them.” He held the headphones up for Kara to see. She wasn’t looking at him. Her eyes were on the floor.

“Okay. Okay.” He mumbled as he made his way back over to Kara. “Here.”

He held the headphones in front of Kara’s face. Her eyes widened, then met his, and then she’d snatched the headphones from him and was placing them over her ears.

The relief was immediate.

Kara sunk down on her knees, all energy deserting her. She could’ve cried. The tears were welling up, but Clark was here and she was suddenly entirely too aware of his presence.

He stood there, his mouth little more than a line. It seemed it was the closest he could get to a frown. She could hear his breathing, even with the headphones on. It was loud and rapid, deep and uncertain.

“I’m going to… I’m going to call Alex.” He turned away and then just as quickly turned around. “Stay here… please.”

Kara didn’t respond.

“Right.” Clark sighed before rushing off to the door.

*

“I didn’t know I needed to check with you before I visited her.” Clark’s voice was hard, even as he tried so desperately to keep it light.

Alex turned away, shaking her head. This was why they called him the man of steel, she thought. Every part of him was steel. Including his brain.

“Not me.” She snapped. She had no problem dropping all pretenses of civility. “You should’ve called her first. Instead of just dropping in.”

“When Jimmy texted me that she solar flared, I didn’t know she’d be in this state. When I solar flare, I never…”

“She’s not you.” Alex gritted her teeth. “And you’d know that if you’d been there for her at all when she was growing up.”

Clark had the good grace to look sheepish. He leaned back against the kitchen island and scratched the back of his neck.

Down the hall, they could hear the shower running and dimly, under the cascade of water, was the soft sound of Kara singing. Alex couldn’t make out the tune, but the words didn’t sound like English. She wondered briefly if Clark knew it, if maybe Kara had taught it to him.

“Look,” Alex said finally. “You were trying to do something nice.”

Clark nodded. All earnest. Gosh, and people called Kara a puppy.

“I didn’t mean to hurt her.”

“Of course, you didn’t. I’ve done it too, and I grew up with her. Even if you know all the signs, she does her best to hide her pain.”

Alex nodded towards the couch. She and Clark sat as the water continued running. The silence wasn’t so bad. It wasn’t nearly as awkward as Alex had always imagined it would be. After a while, the water stopped and then a few minutes later they heard light footsteps against the wood floor.

Clark and Alex stood in unison as Kara entered, fleece pajamas on and hair still damp.

“How are you feeling, Kara?” Clark whispered.

She smiled. “Much better.” Her eyes flickered from Clark to Alex and back. “You can probably talk at a normal volume now. Just don’t… just don’t yell.”

“You want to sit, Kara?” Alex gestured to her seat on the couch.

“No, I think I’m alright. Sat on that couch enough for one day.”

Once again, silence filled the room.

“Maybe, we could play a game?” Kara shrugged.

“Sure.”

“Yes.”

Her face lit up. “Yes! Okay, strategy or luck? Dice or cards?”

She was already rushing towards the game drawer.

Alex and Clark just smiled at each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've never been much of a Superman fan, but I actually adore the show's version of Clark and have wanted to write a section with him for awhile.
> 
> Hope you are all staying safe and healthy.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really wanted to write a scene involving Kara and Brainy post-Brainy becoming uninhibited, but there never seemed a good point during the season 5 timeline with everything going on. I didn't really want to wait a year for the show to come back on so I could write this scene perfectly canonically, so instead I very vaguely set this scene in the future post-season 5. And hopefully nothing will come up that really contradicts it. 
> 
> This has less to do with autistic traits and more with my view on Kara's progression with accepting herself. 
> 
> Thank you for reading. And apologies for the break, had some health issues to sort out.

“So how much of this is uninhibited Brainy has more processing power than inhibited Brainy and how much is you feel like you need to pay penance for what happened with Lex?”

Kara waited for Brainy to turn and face her. It took him a moment and when he did she was ready, hands on her hips Supergirl-style

It was a familiar sight, Brainy at the Tower’s computer. In many ways it was just like the DEO, where he’d plugged away for hours on end, using every digital resource to save the day. It was kind of just what he did and no one had batted an eye when he continued to do it now that the Super Friends were exclusively working out of the Tower.

Well, no one had batted an eye until they left Brainy one evening and came back the next morning to find him in the same position no change.

“Excuse me?” He said. Kara noted how his eyes were slightly glazed. Maybe it hadn’t just been last night that Brainy hadn’t slept. She knew it hadn’t been a good idea to let him live in the Tower.

“You stayed up all night.” Kara said plainly.

“Coluans do not need as much sleep as many other species, including humans. One night without rest will do me no harm.” As Brainy began to turn back to the computer, Kara reached out an arm and caught his shoulder, turning him back to face her.

“But it hasn’t been just one night has it?”

He was staring at her now, eyes lidded not from tiredness but from something else. Something Kara couldn’t place. She shook her head.

“Come on.” She said and gestured toward the balcony.

Brainy rose stiffly, but followed as she made her way over.

The sun hadn’t yet begun to set, but pinks and oranges still stained the sky. National City was all around them. It stood strong and sturdy. Saved from disaster after disaster. Destruction always rebuilt. Sometimes it was nice- it was necessary- to take a moment to remember that.

Brainy stood by her side and she tried to think how this place must look to him. He came from not only a world far off, but from the future. Was there even a National City in the future? Had Brainy been there?

“What do you see?” She asked.

His brow furrowed.

“When you look out across the city, what do you see?” Kara smiled. “I see people. Families. Friends. Individuals.”

She glanced over as Brainy gazed out at the city. His eyes still seemed glazed, but the way his lips tugged down in thought, she knew he was wide awake.

“I see,” His voice was quiet. “An organism. Living and breathing. Growing. Constantly fighting off infection and disease.”

“Does that make us the immune system?”

“In a way.”

He was still too quiet for Kara’s liking.

“Even immune systems need a break.” Kara said, skirting a hand towards Brainy’s. He pulled away.

“Not this one.”

“Brainy…”

“Kara, please.” He let his gaze match hers and for the first time she noted his eyes. They’d changed. They were lighter. Not in color, but in weight. More free, Kara thought. And yet also heavier. Like the full spectrum of emotions could be found within them simultaneously.

“Let me make it up to you all.” His voice was hardly a whisper. “Let me prove… let me prove that I’m not…”

“Not what? Brainy, we know you.” Kara ran a hand through her hair. She knew what he was suggesting. She knew how everything weighed on him; she could see it all in his eyes.

“No you don’t.” He nearly spat. “Not now. Now that I’m…”

“Uninhibited.” She finished for him. He nodded.

He wasn’t wearing his image inducer. It wasn’t the first time she’d seen his true form or even the second or third, but it was still new. The blonde hair was something she was going to have to get used to. Still, despite the physical differences, he stood the same as always. Shoulders back, not quite relaxed. It was all she needed to know that he was still Brainy.

He had already proven that he was still Brainy.

“What does that mean, to be uninhibited?” She asked. She remembered what Brainy had told her about being connected to the big brain, about the abilities he had lost. But that clearly wasn’t all he feared he had been missing.

Kara remembered when the Red K had rid her of her inhibitions. She’d nearly destroyed the city. But Brainy hadn’t gone on a rampage. He hadn’t tried to hurt anyone. On the contrary, he’d tried to help people, even if he had gone about that in an odd way.

Brainy laughed. It was dry and humorless.

“That is the question, yes.” He sighed.

Kara thought for a moment. The sun had begun to set, and she and Brainy were bathed in the last golden light of day.

“When I came to Earth, there was a list of things I couldn’t do. Ways I couldn’t be me.” She said. “I couldn’t fly. I couldn’t be… too smart. I couldn’t stand out.”

Brainy was looking at her again. His hands had fallen to his sides, picking absentmindedly at the cloth of his suit.

“I know it’s not the same, but I understand how it feels to have part of yourself locked away.”

“And then you became Supergirl.” His gaze had drifted away from her and back towards the interior of the Tower. There was a sag to his shoulders, which could only have come from tiredness. But he spoke quickly. The words almost raced, like he knew what she was going to say.

“Have I told you this before?” Kara asked.

“In the future there are many videos of you giving various speeches. Many of them include how lost you felt until you became Supergirl.”

Kara bit her lip. The silence seemed to confuse Brainy and he turned back to her, an eyebrow raised.

“Supergirl let’s me do many things that Kara Danvers can’t. But she’s just as much a role.”

“But all the parts of you… they have an outlet?” Kara could hear the hope in his voice. Maybe it was hope on her behalf, or maybe it was for himself.

Kara rubbed a hand against the back of her neck, suddenly feeling an anxious energy pulse through her. Was she going to break his heart by telling him otherwise?

“Sometimes it feels like there are parts of me that don’t fit either persona.” She admitted. Lying would be worse.

Brainy gave a curt nod.

“But I’m working on just being me.” Kara swallowed. “Because I’ve spent too long hiding or masking or wishing I was like everyone else. And I think you have too.”

“I didn’t have a choice.”

“But now you do and you have the opportunity to find out who you are.”

She squeezed his hand and felt a small subtle tremor run through him.

She ran her free hand along the belt of her suit. The smoothness was calming and she channeled that into keeping her breath steady as she said.

“But I think, at your core, we already know you, Brainy.”

He let her hold his hand and they stood by the balcony as the sunset overtook the sky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly, my head has been all over the place, so let me know what you thought.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since the show has been a bit coy with when Kelly finds out Kara is Supergirl, let's go with this takes place early season 5. And let's assume Kelly and Kara first met sometime during season 2. 
> 
> Also, I just adore Kelly and have been waiting so long to write her.
> 
> As always, thank you for reading and I hope you enjoy.

Kelly was well aware of how important sister night was to Kara and Alex. It was a tradition- a routine hardly ever broken, except for emergencies. And if anyone understood how important routine was as a grounding tool, it was Kelly.

That was why she’d been a little stunned when Alex had suggested she join her and Kara for sister night. Kara had self-professed that she did not do well with change and Kelly was certainly not about disrupt what, she had come to understand, was one of Kara’s biggest coping mechanisms.

“It was her idea.” Alex had responded.

And, well, how was Kelly supposed to say no to an invitation from both Kara and Alex?

She set a bottle of wine down on the table as Alex got the glasses. Kara had run out to grab the pizza, to which Kelly had asked.

“What no potstickers?”

“They were out.” Kara had pouted.

Kelly took a look around. She had been to Kara’s loft a number of times. It was always very… comfortable was the only way Kelly could describe it. In the same way that Kara had a bright smile and a natural warmth, so did her home. It was welcoming.

She did notice that not much about it had changed though. Same sheets on the bed. Same decorations on the walls. Same pictures out front and center. The first time she’d seen it, a while ago now during a quick trip to see James, it had looked almost exactly like this.

The one difference was the painting sitting on the easel.

Years ago it had been a dark painting. Kelly remembered it vividly. Abstract mostly, but with the general design of a great dark circle, pulling the viewer’s eye towards its center, the only spot of light on the page. It reminded Kelly of a storm. It had seemed so un-Kara-like at the time, when she only knew Kara as a friend of her brother’s.

Now, though, she’d seen that beneath that sunny exterior, Kara was holding quite a lot of darkness. No. That wasn’t fair. In many ways, Kara was sunny both inside and out, but that didn’t mean there weren’t clouds in the sky. Sometimes very dark ones.

Kelly understood.

Tonight, though, the picture was brighter, more what someone would expect of Kara. It was almost like patchwork with different overlapping brush strokes of varying sizes and shapes. Instead of being drawn to one area, Kelly found her eye flicking about all over the piece.

Kelly was pulled from her thoughts as Alex wrapped an arm around Kelly and pulled her back into an embrace.

“Thanks for coming.” She whispered, pressing a quick kiss to Kelly’s cheek.

“Thanks for inviting me.” Kelly melted into Alex’s arms.

“Like I said, it was all Kara’s idea.”

“I’m kind of surprised.” Kelly gave a gentle push and Alex removed her arms. “I thought sister night was a hallowed tradition.”

Alex offered her a glass of wine, which she took.

“Oh, it is.” She replied. “To be honest, I was surprised too. When I first came out and was dating someone, I kind of missed a bunch of sister night’s, which was not great for Kara. Ever since, we’ve kept it on a strict schedule.”

“Because Kara doesn’t do well with change.”

Alex nodded.

“It probably helps that she’s the one who planned this.” Kelly said. “She might have been thinking about it for months.”

Alex shrugged and took a sip of her wine. “She should be back soon. You could ask her.”

Kelly followed Alex over to the couch. “Maybe I will.” She twisted around and pointed to the easel. “I was actually wondering about that painting.”

“Oh yeah, it’s a new one.”

“I thought she’d just started another one?”

“What can I say? She moves quickly.”

It hadn’t been much of a surprise to find out that Kara was Supergirl. It was just like James to go from one Super to another. And it actually cleared up quite a lot of questions Kelly had had upon meeting James’ friend.

“Has she always been a painter?” Kelly found herself asking.

Before Alex could respond, the door came flying open and in walked Kara carrying way too many pizzas for three people.

“I have returned!” She called as she set the pizzas down. In the blink of an eye, there were plates of pizza on both Kelly and Alex’s laps, and Kara was sitting on the other side of the coffee table with a plate of her own.

Kelly wasn’t sure she’d ever get used to that.

“What’re we talking about?” Kara asked through a mouthful of pizza.

“Kelly was just asking about your painting.” Alex pointed to the easel.

Kara’s eyes lit up and she gulped down her mouthful of pizza.

“Well, I just started it. It’s super far from done.” She said and Kelly noted how the light still burned bright in her eyes, but she looked as though she was biting her lip.

“I was wondering if you’d always painted.” Kelly asked, keeping her voice soft and welcoming.

It seemed this was just the invitation Kara needed, because suddenly she was speaking a mile a minute, leaving Kelly wondering if super speed applied to talking as well.

“I didn’t do much painting back on Krypton; I was more science-oriented. I was going to be the youngest person to enter the Science Guild. And I didn’t paint much during my adolescence on Earth either. I mean, I took the regular art classes that you had to take, but I didn’t do it as a hobby or anything. But I guess I was always doodling just ‘cause it felt good, you know?”

She paused and Kelly suddenly realized she was supposed to answer.

“Yes.” She said and that got Kara right back on track.

“But in college, well, let’s just say I wasn’t doing well. And I needed an extra credit, something that wouldn’t be too strenuous, so I took a painting class and kind of fell in love with it.”

“She’s been painting ever since.” Alex finished, and Kara nodded.

“Oh! Oh that reminds me.” Kara jumped up. “There’s actually a reason I invited you tonight.”

Kelly raised an eyebrow at Alex, who in turn shrugged.

“Remember when we all went out for lunch a few weeks ago and we had the best tacos?”

Kara waited expectantly.

“Um… yes?” Truthfully, they went out to lunch a lot and Kelly couldn’t remember the exact date Kara was referring to.

“Okay, well, you guys were being really cute and I drew this up.” With a gust of wind Kara was gone, and then just like that she was back, now holding up a piece of paper.

It took Kelly a second to adjust. She still wasn’t quite used to Kara using her powers in front of her. Once the shock had run off, though, she found a smile spread across her face.

“Kara, that’s fantastic.” Alex guffawed.

On the toned paper was a drawing, drawn in a dark pencil with highlights added in white. It was them. Kelly and Alex. Drawn almost absurdly realistically. They were looking at each other, heads nearly touching.

It was truly fantastic. Not just in technical skill, but in feeling. It wasn’t just the likeness. There were little changes, little shapes around them creating a kind of halo. As though they were the only people in the world. And the expressions were so undeniably theirs, so undeniably filled with not only their love for each other, but also Kara’s love for her subjects.

“Wow. Kara, I don’t even know what to say.” Kelly was truly at a loss for words.

“You really like it?” Kara seemed almost nervous now. “I’ve been doing so much abstraction lately, it felt really good to go back to representational work, but I might be a little rusty so it’s totally cool if you don’t…”

“Kara,” Alex cut her off. “It’s amazing.”

Kara looked up at them. She was smiling again. “Good. Um, thanks.”

They all sat there for a moment, as Kara clearly collected her thoughts.

“Um, do you want to keep it?” She suddenly asked, already holding out the picture to Kelly.

Kelly was almost afraid to touch it. The paper just looked so delicate, the lines so soft, but she did and up close it was just as fantastic. She could see the details in the shading, where Kara had stippled it out but also interwoven small delicate shapes. It was almost like a drawing inside a drawing.

“I would be honored.” Kelly said.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A while back someone suggested I do a chapter featuring Kara and a character from another show that I headcanon as neurodivergent. An absolutely fabulous idea! 
> 
> The only other Arrowverse show I watch is Legends and so I wasn't sure exactly what I wanted to do. Then a month or so back I saw that gifset featuring ADHD Sara Lance, and a switch clicked. I wanted to also acknowledge the trauma that both characters have gone through. Plus, I've always wanted them to have more of a friendship than was shown. 
> 
> I also like to assume that the heroes help each other out more than just what we see in crossovers, hence this season 2 era vignette.

Time travel was weird. Kara knew this. After all, what in her life wasn’t weird? If she breathed too hard, a tornado of ice spun from her mouth, so why would something that was already a staple of science fiction not be weird?

Kara sighed and laid her head back against one of the Waverider’s metal seats. The swirling green of the temporal zone ebbed and flowed in front of her. She watched transfixed by how it somehow seemed to funnel into an endless tunnel and yet also seemed as open and boundless as space.

She cringed at that thought. She’d been trying her best not to compare the Temporal Zone with the Phantom Zone.

She took a deep breath and leaned further back into the chair, careful not to push so hard as to bend or break it.

Sara had said they were free to move around, free to explore, now that the ship was docked. Whatever appeared to be swirling around them, it wouldn’t hurt them. They weren’t trapped.

Kara rested her fingers on her temples. They weren’t trapped. They weren’t trapped. She took a breath and then another, and then wished she could make her body move.

She really did want to explore the Waverider; it was a piece of technology even Krypton didn’t have. The problem was that her memory was excellent and although the Waverider was fairly spacious, she couldn’t help but feel her tiny pod whenever she looked around.

It was stupid. She was being stupid.

“Hey.” Kara turned to find Sara taking a seat beside her. She’d changed out of her White Canary suit and was now dressed in a dark shirt and jeans. Very understated and very much the opposite of her ostentatious superhero costume.

Kara suddenly felt incredibly overdressed.

“I know the Legends can be a lot, and you said you needed a minute to collect yourself,” Sara spoke slowly, turning to face Kara. “But I thought you might want a friend.”

Kara smiled. It was all she could manage with the way the temporal zone was swirling in her peripheral vision.

“It’s a lot to take in.” Sara continued. “A lot of people get freaked out or over-excited. Felicity and Cisco went crazy, I hear.”

Kara nodded. She’d heard that too. Barry had told her.

“But I don’t think the time travel is what’s freaking you out.”

Kara tilted her head back, firmly removing the green waves from any part of her vision. She held her head there, not willing to move. The walls weren’t closing in, thankfully, but she still felt off, like her head wasn’t quite screwed on tight. Like everything was a just a little too bright. A little too loud.

She wished she had her glasses, if only to push them up and down the bridge of her nose.

“You don’t have to talk about it.” Sara’s voice was calm, even at its meager volume, though, it still made Kara cringe.

Kara considered what to say. She didn’t know Sara well. They’d met once before, when aliens were invading Barry’s Earth. And now, well, Kara was only here because the Legends needed some extra muscle.

But Sara was calm and collected, and she did seem to care, even if she didn’t know Kara all that well. That was what leaders should be, Kara decided. That was why Sara led the Legends.

“I’m just having some trouble focusing.” Kara finally said. It was the short version of the truth.

“I understand.” Sara nodded.

Kara managed to look over at her, raising an eyebrow.

“ADHD.” Sara pointed to herself.

“Autism.” Kara mimicked Sara’s position.

Sara was nodding again. “I saw you fidgeting out in the field. Must be hard having super senses.”

Kara laughed. “I wish I brought my glasses with me.”

Now it was Sara’s turn to raise an eyebrow.

“They’re lead-lined. No X-ray vision and limited super hearing. Plus, they’re great to play with.”

Sara was giving her a look.

“What?”

“And you don’t take them into the field?”

“Well, they’re kind of a big part of my human disguise.”

Sara was shaking her head again, but she was smiling now.

“You’re braver than me.” She said. “I don’t go anywhere without a few knives on me and, well, there’s a few reasons for that, but one is that I need to have something to play around with.”

“Supergirl can’t… she can’t wear glasses.” Kara could have laughed. Wasn’t that obvious? Supergirl wearing glasses would be silly. But Sara was still looking at her, this odd frown contorting her face.

“There’s got to be something you can do. Some kind of…”

“What? Accommodation? I’m a superhero not a student.”

“Hey,” Sara held up her hands. “I’m not trying to patronize you. I just thought maybe there’s something you can do to make it easier for yourself.”

Kara turned away. She let the green waves of the Temporal Zone wash over her and tried to push the tightness in her chest to the back of her mind.

“Make it easier for myself.” Kara repeated, slowly as none of her tension was eased.

Sara nodded her acknowledgment, but didn’t press. Instead, she made a knife seemingly appear out of thin air and set it spinning around her hand.

They sat in silence that was only broken by the soft chatter of the other Legends floating down from the kitchen and the swish of the knife as it cut through air. It would almost be nice, Kara thought, if the tightness in her chest hadn’t turned to a sudden throbbing.

She bit her lip. Hard. Harder than she’d meant to, and the metallic tinge of blood leapt into her mouth.

“Of course.” She sighed.

Kara pressed a finger to her damaged lip and kept her eyes on the ceiling. This was supposed to be a simple mission. In and out. But Sara had invited her back to the ship. And she’d so desperately wanted to make friends. They were all so cool and they knew Barry and… Kara sighed. All she’d done was show them her true colors.

She wasn’t some impervious alien who could handle anything. She couldn’t even handle a ship that held only the barest resemblance to the one from her past.

“I should go.” She said, already standing.

“Wait.” Sara grabbed her hand. Kara bit her lip again but turned to face Sara. “I didn’t mean to… You just seemed uncomfortable.”

Kara hesitated in biting her lip again; the pain was still there from last time. She glanced at the Temporal Zone. It hadn’t changed at all.

“Before I landed on Earth, my pod was trapped in what was called the Phantom Zone.” Kara’s voice was steady. It had become easy to recount her history. It was almost like telling a story. “I was trapped there for years. Semi-conscious without the passage of time.”

“So you’re an alien who doesn’t like spaceships?”

“Not exactly.” Kara laughed. She pointed at the Temporal Zone. “It’s just that that brought back some memories.”

There was no response. Sara was looking her over, the knife still spinning in her hand.

“Know the feeling.” She finally said.

Kara nodded. Yes, from what she knew of Sara’s past- which wasn’t nearly as much as she would have liked- she imagined what Sara said was true.

“So not a sensory problem today, just a good old fashioned traumatic flashback?”

Again, Kara laughed. Sara had that way about her of being both serious and playful at once. It was disarming.

“The sensation of time travel wasn’t exactly helping.” Kara admitted.

“Anything you usually use to help? I’m sure Gideon could fabricate it in an instant.”

“I don’t…”

“Girl, haven’t you ever heard of self-care?”

“Ms. Grant usually used that term whenever she sent me out to get her a burger.”

Sara was giving her a look.

“You meant for me.” Kara played with a stray strand of hair.

“Look,” Sara had stopped spinning her knife. “I’ve got my knives. Nate has a fidget spinner. Rory sets things on fire, which I’m not suggesting you do, but you’ve got to find something that helps. You deserve that.”

The sound of the Legends was beginning to grow louder. Kara was trying her best to not listen in to their conversations, but she was almost sure there was shouting, and not the playful kind that seemed to be normal for the Legends.

“Ignore them.” Sara said. “They probably set the replicator on fire again.”

Kara laughed. She was doing a lot of that on this ship.

“You’re lucky.” She sighed. “Living on this ship, not having to change back and forth between personas. I have to split who I am.”

“There are some things you can check at the door, others you just can’t, and even more that you shouldn’t have to.”

That all sounded very nice, but Kara didn’t live on the Waverider. She didn’t live with all of her friends, where it was normal to set the food replicator on fire, travel through time, and never worry your secret identity would be discovered.

“You can stay if you want.” Sara had begun to walk towards the kitchen. “But I don’t want you to be uncomfortable.”

Kara thought for a moment. Alex would be missing her. “I think I’ll head home for now, but thank you for calling me to help.”

Sara nodded. “I should be thanking you.” There was a pause. “Think about what I said.”

She turned away again, leaving Kara to fiddle with the settings of the interdimensional extrapolator.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this makes sense in the timeline that I'm trying to work with of Kara being comfortable with her autism.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I got the wonderful prompt a while ago to do a vignette involving Kara going non-verbal. This is not exactly that, but that was in my mind when writing it. Perhaps I will do a more straightforward take on that prompt in the future, but for now there is this.

Kara stood at the edge of the driveway, notepad in hand. Her fingers skittered over the metal spirals. They were cool, thank Rao, against her skin. It was an unusually hot day in National City and even Kara was all but sweltering under her professional blazer. If this was how she was feeling, sweat pasting her blouse to her chest, then she couldn’t imagine how the family she had come to interview was.

They were Alcashian, a species that Kara had only heard about. There weren’t many on Earth and almost none in National City. That was with good reason as just about everything about National City’s climate disagreed with the Alcashian body. Kara imagined they’d landed here on a whim and were now in too bad shape to leave, at least that was the impression she’d gotten from J’onn.

She flipped through the pages of her notepad. She carefully reviewed everything she’d written over the past few days, ever since J’onn had said the family would meet with her. It was exciting. She was excited.

Really, there was no reason to be nervous; this was just another Aliens of National City piece. She already had a number of those under her belt. All had turned out well, interview-wise, and even the reaction, while not always positive, had only resulted in one death threat.

Kara sighed. Imagine counting that as a victory?

Her eyes trailed the house. It wasn’t big per se, but it was sizeable, especially for the area. To call this an alien district was unfair, there were plenty of aliens who lived outside of the surrounding neighborhood. The thing about those aliens, though, was that they tended to look like her. Human from afar and up close.

And from the little she knew of Alcashians, they were definitely not human-passing.

There was a flicker of light behind one of the closed curtains. They’d spotted her. Kara flipped her notepad closed and began walking towards the front door. As she got closer, she could see that while the house wasn’t small, it was in a state of disrepair. Large patches of shingles were missing from the roof and a suspicious brown stain left a trail under the windows. Even the front door looked like it didn’t quite fit into its frame.

She was about to knock on that very door when it opened to reveal a well-worn purple face.

“Hi.” Kara smiled her biggest smile. “I’m Kara Danvers, J’onn’s friend. You must be Akastair?”

She held her hands back; the urge to reach out for a handshake was strong. It had all but been embedded in her that there were certain rules of politeness. Shake hands. Make eye contact. Smile. These were, of course, human rules; and she found it put her interviewees at ease to let some of these human social cues vanish from her vocabularly.

A smile never hurt though, right? Kara did appreciate a smile.

“Hello.” The man responded. His accent was heavy and Kara’s ears perked up at hearing a similar intonation to the Kryptonian accent. “Yes, I am Akastair.”

He stared for a moment, looking her up and down. Kara fought the urge to squirm.

“Come in. Come in.” He finally said.

She stepped inside and was immediately glad that she was wearing her blazer.

There were icicles hanging from the ceiling and every breath produced a white cloud.

“Apologies for the temperature.” His lips quirked up in what was probably a smile. “We need it quite cold.”

“Perfectly fine.” Kara smiled brightly. “I don’t mind the cold.”

It wasn’t a lie. She was glad to have her blazer on so she didn’t have to pretend to be chilly. Besides, it was a welcome change from the heat.

“Gama!” Akastair called and a woman appeared from a side room. “This is Kara Danvers. The reporter.”

Gama nodded and smiled at Kara. Her eyes were bright and she gave Kara a slight wave.

“Pleasure to meet you.” Kara said as Akastair directed her to the living room.

It was certainly spacious, though only because there was almost no furniture in it. Instead, what a human might have mistaken for a back up generator sat by the windows. Kara, however, noticed the soft glow from within and recognized it as a miniature climate controller. In this case, a glorified air conditioner.

“Well, that explains the chill.” She laughed.

That was not the only thing in the living room, though. Sitting almost dead center, book in hand, was another Alcashian. He was smaller than the other two and his skin a shade lighter, but even from a distance, Kara could see that he had his father’s jaw.

“This is my son, Theral.” Akastair was quick to introduce.

Theral didn’t look up from his book, but waved in Kara’s direction.

“It’s nice to meet you, Theral.”

"Theral is… we do not know the human term. He does not speak.” Akastair placed a hand on his son’s shoulder.

J’onn had mentioned that. It was one of the first things Akastair had told him in group. It seemed to weigh on the man, perhaps even more than the life threatening adventure that was leaving his house.

“Sometimes I don’t speak either.” Kara smiled through the tightness in her chest.

“No. He, uh, can’t speak.”

“Sometimes I can’t speak either.” Kara didn’t miss the look of confusion that briefly passed Akastair’s face before he stamped it down.

“Oh.” Akastair bit his lip. “Is that normal for humans?”

Kara froze.

He didn’t mean it like that. She could see the curiosity in his eyes. He wanted to know; perhaps he was even hoping it was so. At least then his son might fit in in at least one way.

“No.” Kara ignored the disappointed look on Akastiar’s face and stepped around him, making a B-line for Theral. She could now see that he was reading _Lord of the Flies. _She cringed. It was a fine book, but would certainly not help his view of humans.

It hadn’t helped hers.

“Good book?” She asked anyway.

Theral shrugged. But there was a tenseness to his shoulders. She took a step back but it was still there. He pursed his lips.

Kara had a thought. She pulled her cellphone from her pocket and opened up an app.

There was a moment of silence and in that time Akastair had come to peer over Kara’s shoulder.

_"It’s not one of my favorites, but I see why it’s considered a classic.”_ A computerized voice said.

Theral turned and looked at Kara’s phone. The words were typed out on the screen. Kara’s fingers hovered over a deluge of buttons, each with a word or phrase on them.

Kara’s fingers moved across the keyboard, perhaps a touch too fast, but Kara was excited.

_“Would you like to try?”_

Theral nodded and grabbed the phone. He typed far quicker than Kara could ever have anticipated.

_“The language is beautiful, even if the metaphors are fairly simplistic.”_ Theral said.

“I don’t disagree.” Kara nodded.

Theral smiled.

“What is that?” Akastair broke in.

“It’s a program I have on my phone for when I can’t speak.” Kara kept her voice steady even as Akastair grabbed the phone from Theral’s hands.

_“I need. Want. Hungry. A-A-A-B-C-E-F.” _Kara cringed as Akastair began typing. Theral was doing the same.

“It’s for communication.” With just a little more force than necessary, Kara reclaimed her phone.

“Can we get this?” Akastair’s eyes were huge, a sort of delight danced in them. “My wife, she also doesn’t speak. And I am… quiet sometimes.”

Akastair held out his own phone before Kara could answer.

“Of course.” She said. “It’s an application called Speech Assistant. You should be able to get it for free.”

Akastair looked like he had been handed the keys to the city.

“There are other means of communication.” Kara noticed that Gama had come to rest at the edge of the living room. “J’onn and I know someone who’s a psychologist. She might know someone who could help to set you all up with something.”

_“Yes. Yes. Please.”_ Theral had taken his father’s phone and already installed the app.

Kara nodded. “Then we’ll talk to her.”

“But interview first, yes?” Akastair was smiling now. Gama had come to his side.

Kara felt her heart flutter.

“Yes.” Was all she could say.

“Theral,” Akastair’s voice was proud. “Join us.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Speech Assistant is a real app, by the way. I use it and find it quite helpful. 
> 
> I am also incredibly interested in writing alien concepts of neurodivergence and disability. I have a piece about Krypton and neurodivergence in the works, so look out for that in the hopefully not too far future.

**Author's Note:**

> I would be open to ideas or prompts if anyone feels so inclined.


End file.
